Sunday, March 14, 2010

My genetic flaws

Tonight I'm sad.

Coz tonight I want to change me and not for the first time either.

Do you ever just wish you were not some particular way and that you were the opposite particular way instead?

Here are my list of grievances (I've left out my addiction to diet coke since that one I can't blame on the folks). What I wouldn't do to be a more punctual, well rested, up to date with all my paperwork, not wired on diet coke type of individual.

Lateness. This one isn't really an issue for me personally BUT I know it's an issue for others. So I will generally leave things til the last minute... then sweat my butt off trying not to be late, so as not to piss off completely those that actually live life at the other end of the scale - ie suffering punctuality anxiety. It's a very tough gig accommodating both ends of the spectrum. Mentally exhausting even. And besides that, the tax office, the telco company, Virgin and the SDRO arent as sympathetic to the 'I can't help it, I've been wired this way!' exclamations.

Side memory: Mr strongest school memory (other than when my parents shaved all my hair off) was when I was in Yr 1 and I would have to stand at the front of the class, bent over, as Mr Sullivan gave my bottom a good whack with that gigantic ruler every morning for being late . I loved Mr Sullivan. But that humiliation did not change that wiring in me one iota. Even as a little person.

Procrastination. This kinda ties in with the doing things last minute. And it's a bit strange because it's not so much the 'getting organised' bit. I actually quite enjoy planning to be planned. But getting to the do, by some strange stroke of genetic misfortune (yes I'm still blaming the wiring), doesn't generally occur until the moments before.

Side memory: After flaffling for 36 hours straight, at 1am on the morning on the morning of my HSC exams, I finally opened those books and got started on the studying. Even now I wonder how on earth....

Sleeping. I just can't get to it. I've whined about it. I've blogged about it. But I haven't managed to shift my clock to anywhere before midnight. I'm avoiding it right now. I want to get that old lustre back in my skin. See, I'm whining again.

Side memory: If all else fails, blame it on the folks. My parents never gave me a bedtime. Their motto was I would fall asleep when I needed to. Every night. So I still wait for that magical moment. Every night.

So now I have enough bills/taxes/forms/diary detail etc to bring tears to the eyes, and yet I only manage to get to them at 11.59pm in order to avoid going to sleep. And then the sadness of it all makes me open up my blog and post about it - because there is no hotline for this stuff - leaving those awful sheets of paper with 'Dovic' posted all over them, and worn out from handling, left un-done for another night.

Heeeeeellllp. I want to be rewired. And I want it now.


Dovic x


  1. Hey honey bunch - is there anything that you are on time for? Marky couldn't care less about time unless he has to 1. be in court or 2. catch an aeroplane. With everything else he just arrives when he arrives. If we have to be somewhere then I cope with it by being a talking clock (another hint from mum, god love her). As to the others, procrastination is the flipside of perfectionism. And it gives you a perfect excuse if something isn't up to scratch - "well I didn't spend any time on it". Is it ok to stuff something up??

    And the final one, the sleeping, I struggle to understand this one. Given that I LOVE sleeping. I would happily go to bed at 9.30pm or even earlier every night. My pillow and me, we are in love!! Perhaps it goes with lateness though? Given that the late person in my life if also a complete night owl. I'm all outta suggestions. (not like me huh)

    Love n hugs and I'm going to check the blog links from last post tonight. Before 9.30pm of course.

    Love you babe

  2. Hey honey,

    You are perfect just the way you are. The people who love you are proof of that. And there are so freaking many of them you must be doing something right!


  3. Ow thanks guys.

    Hope you enjoy those links Ali.

    Lee, I am perfect when I'm not worrying about being perfect :). Kidding. Just being a bit delirious.

    I have a kid free/work free/hobby free day tomorrow. I am going to attack my to do list with gusto. And before midnight if I can help it. Inlcuding booking the psych about getting me rewired. I've been hypnotised once before (if I remember the hypnosis correctly!) and rekon it would be fun to give it a shot.

    Can you imagine if I all of sudden got really organised. Wow.

  4. Don't go changing! Unless you're going to blog about all that hocus pocus :). E x

  5. Will do E, will do. Assuming I remember it :). PS I still gotta try and get on to someone that will do it for me. Side note: I rang the number from the back of a van once which was advertising 'quit smoking through hypnosis today' and asked if they could work the same magic on my diet coke addiction and she flat out said no. Though thinking back, I might have left out the word 'diet'.

  6. I have a Master's Degree in Procrastination. Truth!

    Loving your blog, Dovic.XO

  7. Thankyou Brenda x

    PS I love that it's not just me!

  8. I understand. Boy do I understand. I hate having so many things about me that niggle at te other part of me (must be because I'm a Gemini!) See... part of me is super-organised. I write lists, I plan meals (although I DO hate that part). If I went to the supermarket and just chucked things in the trolley my whole world would fall apart. My childhood memories are full of latey late lateness, and we lived across the road from the school which if anything hindered us. Then in high school we had timed that it took 10 and a half minutes to drive to the station and every time it was a thrillingly close dash to jump in between those closing doors. Not so thrilling when, as occured around 50% of the time, we missed the doors and were late for school. I think I've actually improved a lot (and not without effort) but we still manage to be the last to arrive at pre-school (I think my son has inherited the gene, he just gets so absorbed in other pressing tasks and can't imagine it would take more than say one minute to brush teeth get dressed and hop in the car.) We are not physicists but somehow imagine that time has far more elastic qualities than it actually possesses. My choice now is to either accept this about myself or make an effort to change it. I do change it for certain instances, for example if I'm meeting a friend who is super-anxious about punctuatlity, but I kind of just wish it was in me to be like that myself.
    Also, late nights. It's not that I don't like sleep, Oh lordy how I do. I just prefer it to occur between the hours of say 12-9 rather than 10-6/7.And when I vow to be good and go to bed early, I inevitably toss and turn, staring at the ceiling until midnight anyway, thinking of all the things I could be putting off while I was twittering instead of lying there.

    What to do? Accept, modify or wholesale change? I fear the latter is impossible for the likes of us. Sigh. But it's not such a bad thing. If I was an always on-time, non-procrastinator I wouldn't be commenting on this blog (fairly writing my own mini-blog as response!), I would be doing myriad other things that propel me in a timely fashion towards an orderly days end. But instead I have had a yarn with a kindred spirit. Timeliness be damned! ;-)

    PS In the true spirit this post was intended, I have *deliberately* not commented until 3 months after it was published.



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