Coz tonight I want to change me and not for the first time either.
Do you ever just wish you were not some particular way and that you were the opposite particular way instead?
Here are my list of grievances (I've left out my addiction to diet coke since that one I can't blame on the folks). What I wouldn't do to be a more punctual, well rested, up to date with all my paperwork, not wired on diet coke type of individual.
Lateness. This one isn't really an issue for me personally BUT I know it's an issue for others. So I will generally leave things til the last minute... then sweat my butt off trying not to be late, so as not to piss off completely those that actually live life at the other end of the scale - ie suffering punctuality anxiety. It's a very tough gig accommodating both ends of the spectrum. Mentally exhausting even. And besides that, the tax office, the telco company, Virgin and the SDRO arent as sympathetic to the 'I can't help it, I've been wired this way!' exclamations.
Side memory: Mr strongest school memory (other than when my parents shaved all my hair off) was when I was in Yr 1 and I would have to stand at the front of the class, bent over, as Mr Sullivan gave my bottom a good whack with that gigantic ruler every morning for being late . I loved Mr Sullivan. But that humiliation did not change that wiring in me one iota. Even as a little person.
Procrastination. This kinda ties in with the doing things last minute. And it's a bit strange because it's not so much the 'getting organised' bit. I actually quite enjoy planning to be planned. But getting to the do, by some strange stroke of genetic misfortune (yes I'm still blaming the wiring), doesn't generally occur until the moments before.
Side memory: After flaffling for 36 hours straight, at 1am on the morning on the morning of my HSC exams, I finally opened those books and got started on the studying. Even now I wonder how on earth....
Sleeping. I just can't get to it. I've whined about it. I've blogged about it. But I haven't managed to shift my clock to anywhere before midnight. I'm avoiding it right now. I want to get that old lustre back in my skin. See, I'm whining again.
Side memory: If all else fails, blame it on the folks. My parents never gave me a bedtime. Their motto was I would fall asleep when I needed to. Every night. So I still wait for that magical moment. Every night.
So now I have enough bills/taxes/forms/diary detail etc to bring tears to the eyes, and yet I only manage to get to them at 11.59pm in order to avoid going to sleep. And then the sadness of it all makes me open up my blog and post about it - because there is no hotline for this stuff - leaving those awful sheets of paper with 'Dovic' posted all over them, and worn out from handling, left un-done for another night.
Heeeeeellllp. I want to be rewired. And I want it now.