That's not say that those that aren't getting it aren't happy. There is a lot to be said for gazing at each other with bloodshot eyes, skipping the views of vomit stains on hunched shoulders, not noticing the showerless state of each other and gently reaching out before falling in a premature slump from sheer exhaustion, and finally snoring away the litre of red wine you drank together to get you through the night. Coz that's the other side of the coin.
And there are two distinct sides. I've been pondering side A for a couple of a few weeks now. Ever since I read this post over at Sunny Mummy.
Sunny Mummy does not preach what she is not actively practicing. And you don't need much time to work out what that little sentence means. Her sunny disposition stretches from from beyond the organised walls of her kitchen right through to the chandelier of her bedroom. I have been lucky enough to spend some time in her eternally sunny rays, and with so much energy and so much commitment to what she does I was wondering how she managed to, you know, fit that 'other' thing in. And ofcourse her energy and commitment extended right up to that Chandelier too.
It's not just the rolling around in the haystack stuff though. She is really big on being lovely to each other. WHEN? I ask her. Pointless question because I know for her it's everyday. Love notes, warm words, support, kindness. Now, I can't say I agree with all Sunny M's feelings, especially that around if they (the hubby/partner) aren't getting all these niceties and bit of rompy tompy too that this will necessarily lead to a roving eye (and I hope not! There is mutual obligation to get things working right on your home turf. Full stop.) but I could see that being nice could encourage some of that roving all over you, which can't be bad thing. And it's baby steps you're after really, that and a bit of washing up here, a mop of the floor there, a tidy up of the kids room sometime....oh yeah and the other stuff too.
So time for some fun I say.
When I read Sunny M's post, it was about 11.59pm and I had just finished up cleaning, mopping, lunch packing, box sorting, etc etc. And hubby had been snoozing away for about 3 hrs, having just finished his third book for the week that I 'juuuust have to read'. I coulda been cranky. For about the 7th night that week. But I chose not to be. Instead I wrote him a little love note with 3 things I loved about him. And UNBELIEVABLY I snuck in a 4th. I was starting to feel giddy lovey towards him, despite his distant snores, annoying habits and downright rudeness of going to sleep, like, when he wanted to.
What happened next I hear you ask?....well...I woke up in the morning and he was IN.THE.BEST mood. The kids were fed and dressed. The kitchen was clean. He was beaming warmth. And the cardboard pizza box I wrote my little love note on? It was cut down it's side and the side with the little love note on was tucked away peeping out of his draw. He'd kept it! Left over cheese and ham and all! He was happy and thrilled and feeling the love (for the first time in maybe years poor fella) and all it took was a little note.
Ofcourse everything went to crap about 2 hours later when I discovered my bag in the washing machine (don't ask) but I knew that I, via Sunny M, was on to something.
Sadly, it is only now, 2 weeks later that I have worked up the courage to commit to this sort of selfless behaviour (coz my preference would be to rant and rave every day with great joy and release) for a whole week. I am GOING TO BE NICE. If he survives the shock, and indeed if I can keep it up, I expect to be a little on the quiet side as I spend my time hanging from the chandelier post day 7 myself. But for now, the challenge is set.
And I know I don't post enough and that you've been complaining but truth be known I was planning my attack. I was working on developing a positive disposition. And now I'll be in here each day with a report. Yep, each day.
Let the 7 days begin!
No complaining (this is gonna be really hard coz there is lots to complain about on a daily basis - and I'm only sneaking in that comment now coz I can't for the next week)
Lots of smiling and head nodding and other verbal validations for all the good stuff he does.
Will make up the rest as I go.
Report on day one coming your way tomorrow and I would just luuuurve if any of you managed to join me or throw some helpful tips my way. I'm going to need all the tips I get. Some of you are really good at this stuff :).
Disclaimer: He does read this blog sometimes and I've got my fingers crossed that he won't for the week. If by any chance he does, and does not reward my efforts by being extra gorgeous back and folding the clothes on Wednesday night I will be going on strike.
PS For all the updates, take a look at the list of Feb posts - they're in there day by day. Or click at the home page and work your way up.