Had to skip a couple of days as R was working interstate and, truth be known, it is much easier to like someone when they're not there. Especially as you're enjoying some quality telly time with vino on hand and no-one switching over to the history channel (yawn - sorry all you war buffs).
But that's not to say it all went smoothly in his absence.
Oh and if you need background on this challenge, go here.
All was kinda going well for the first couple of days, and I was doing a remarkable job of being all positivity and light (remarkable indeed considering my love of rants and the fact that I was single parenting, among other things, most of the week). And then we hit a road block.
I felt like I was doing all the giving, and basically not receiving much in return other than a couple of ironed uniforms and kiddie breakfasts (see previous posts). I didn't mind to begin with. Everyone around me was quite obviously overjoyed at my new found patience, love and serenity, so that was kinda nice in it's own right.
But even this flower needs a bit of watering - not just sunshine.
This was a very busy week work wise for R.
Nonetheless, over at my end I was propping up a load of pretty significant proportions myself. I was busy, tired, doing the sleep deprivation gig, carrying other freelance work and course responsibilities and channeling a homely version of Mother Theresa in the middle of it all.
It was starting to feel like a one way street despite the good feelings everyone was radiating as a result of my new found warmth. And I started to feel like someone, who shall remain nameless but whose name starts with R, was starting to settle in a little too nicely into the being stroked and supported business - and taking it all a bit too much for granted.
Last night when, after 2 nights of no kiddie responsibility he blurted out the "I'm too tired", "I need sleep" blah blah blah words, that should never be spoken to a woman who is both tired and needs sleep (and on top of, it has to be said, by someone who has contributed minimal 'value add' during the week) I started to feel that old 'oh yeah right' start to creep in. Similar calls last night and this morning and I knew by the time the sun had started to rise that Mother Theresa would be turning in her grave at my inability to squish up the temper just a little bit longer. I wanted to. I really really wanted to. But managing a relationship really does take it out of you. How on earth do the abused do it?
Lesson number 2.
This love and light thing has to very very much be a two way thing. It may start with you but it can't end with you. However, not saying/screaming anything (coz I'm not complaining remember) delivered a result.
If I had written this post at 9am, it may have been sprinked with a few profanities.
At 9.01 he called me from work.
"Am I still in the doghouse?"
"Why would you be in the doghouse?" (*definate point for picking up on the simmering overnight mood and acting on it quick)
"Because I didn't help last night"
"Should you have?"
"Are you sorry"
And that's where a few minutes made all the difference. He saw he was being a twat, has no idea why I'm being so nice but realises there is something he needs to do to keep it up.
I'm not completely won over yet but he still has time tonight.
We're on a date (which I organised as part of this self regulated challenge - babysitters and all and a rare occurrence).
I will come in tonight with the day 4 post but with one line only. And it will be
- Bingo, or
- Work in progress, or
- Someone please put a pillow over my head
Hopefully no swearing will be needed. I'm back to smiles so rekon it'll be a goodie :)
PS I know plenty of you are doing the same this week and that at least a couple of you had meltdown moment last night. We may all be different but we're all same same really :). Thanks for checking in on how it's going over this end xx
PSS I got a cleaner in today too. I think that should be included in 101 Of Saving Relationships and I give her 10/10 for 'value add' today
****FOOTNOTE ONLY 5 min later - heading towards the "someone please put a pillow over my head. Need cheering on to survive this!