Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Show the Love Challenge Day 7 - Getting Sprung

We've been had! Well, kinda - for 48hrs or so.

That irresistable fella of mine (funnily enough way more irresistible the last few days than he ever has been :)) discovered the challenge on the blog on Sat arvo! I kinda had the feeling this may have been the case when he was all sweet and coy and lovely and being EXTRA nice and affectionate. With suspicions in tow, I asked him if he knew why I was on such good behaviour and he answered "no" - just that little bit too quickly. When I asked whether he wanted to know, he shuffled on his feet and again answered a little too quickly "no, why would I want to bite the hand that feeds me?". Shuffle. Shuffle.

Aha!! Sprung :).

I knew it, but he was still denying it when I checked in again last night. It wasn't until I pulled out all the manipulative skills I could muster that he finally admitted, that yeah, he had a squizz on Sat night and....well, there it all was.

I've been in a state of panic worried about how he might react but I needn't have been. He was all for the challenge. Infact he's all for it going on for another year. And the year after that too.

So, suffice to say it's been a success. I'm gonna take the lead from some of the feedback I've had and give this a good old shot for a little longer.

Would I recommend it? Hell yeah. Admittedly keeping a blog kept me on the straight and narrow, but I haven't yelled in a week and don't actually feel like yelling now that my week is over. WIERD. Without the blog I rekon I would have given up at day 3, so if you do give it a shot, make sure you pre plan it. Obviously I haven't been talking much about what I did, but in the main it was no complaining (though I did get simmeringly shirty mid week), being conversational, actually stopping what I was doing and looking at him whilst we were talking and just trying to stay cool all week really. There are others out there that are way better at this stuff than I am!

Now, this is the 7 day wrap up and it's hit 10/10 in the success stakes (hard not to with R pulling out all stops the last couple of days), but I'm keen to add a couple of pieces later on. Going to interview R to get his perspective on how this week went, from the sneaky side of it right up to how he feels now . And trying to twist the arm of a friend of mine, who wrote "A womb with attitude" to do a guest blog on the power those raging hormones have over us mere mortals.

But for me, for now that's about it. Phew. I'm exhausted. And I still have all that swinging off the chandeliers to do yet....

Love to hear your final thoughts if you have a chance to slip 'em in the comments.

Dovic xx

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Show the Love Challenge Day 6 - Somewhere over the rainbow

A big beautiful gorgeous day and so nice to enjoy it from the inside out. Something about this challenge is working :) (Here is where it started).

Gonna leave it at that tonight.

Til we meet for the last time and wrap up tomorrow....

Dovic xx
PS Don't forget to cast your vote.
PSS Luurve the star chart!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Show the Love Challenge Day 5 - Raging Hormones and a Star Chart

So we're loved up today and it's nice :).

Infact went to the mother of all kids birthday parties (Ali, you kick ass) and received a ridiculous amount of jibbing about how lovie dovie we were being.

My guess is that I'm on best behaviour and he's lapping it up, so we're both naturally leaning over for a cuddle and smooch. But, as per the previous post, this has not been smooth sailing and my point to ponder today is how much of it is hormones and how much of it is the actual poor blokey behaviour.

As my girlfriend Amy put it pretty succinctly today "hormones are like alcohol, they don't create the problem, but they can exasperate the problem". Blokes seem to be a different beast all together. They're pretty consistent emotions wise (major catastrophies like a fave footy team not winning, notwithstanding). If they're crap they'll just be crap most of the time, if delightful then probably delightful most of the time. My guess is most of our fellas will sit somewhere in the middle, nudging whatever side they do on a fairly consistent basis.

So what'll work then.

I was looking at R today and all of a sudden it hit me. What I had in front of me was a labrador puppy. Loyal, loving, gentle. But in the relationship sense, clumsy, temperamental (kinda contradicting what I said above, but we're talking specifics here) and needing a little training. He really really wanted to please, he just wasn't quite sure how to yet. I know. I know.

So I'm gonna go with the good old star chart for some good old behaviour training.

For example, R is really bad with dishing out the "yeah sure". Instead, there is always another response. See below and take a punt at what is more likely to put a smile on my dial.

Me "Can you empty the dishwasher"
Him "Why didn't you do it earlier".........or....."Yeah Sure :)"

Me "Stop the car! I need to go to the loo!"
Him "Why didn't you go when we were at home".........or....."Yeah Sure :)"

Me "Want to come shoe shopping with me"
Him "Are you mad?".........or....."Yeah Sure :)"

See what I mean? How blissfull would life be and how much would I be able to temper my hormonal rages with a few more "yeah sures".

So tomorrow we start and he gets a star each time I get a "yeah sure". Since he's keen to keep whatever is driving this nice behaviour up at my end, he's agreed to do it :). And these are his reward requests.

10 stars - shag (see, predictable)
20 stars - bikram yoga session at 5pm on a Sunday night (for those new to the blog, see here)
50 stars - a day out with me (awww...but how did Bikram get in first??)
100 starts - a weekend away with me (he's obviously expecting this star business to go on for a while).

Hope you're still having fun at your end!

Dovic xxx
PS Have just added a poll. Over there to your right. What do you rekon??

Show the love challenge day 4 - Bingo!

Re here


...ish :)

Dovic x

Friday, February 19, 2010

Show the love challenge day 3 - slippage and oh what a difference 10 min makes

We nearly hit a road block and dived over the cliff dear followers.

Had to skip a couple of days as R was working interstate and, truth be known, it is much easier to like someone when they're not there. Especially as you're enjoying some quality telly time with vino on hand and no-one switching over to the history channel (yawn - sorry all you war buffs).

But that's not to say it all went smoothly in his absence.

Oh and if you need background on this challenge, go here.

All was kinda going well for the first couple of days, and I was doing a remarkable job of being all positivity and light (remarkable indeed considering my love of rants and the fact that I was single parenting, among other things, most of the week). And then we hit a road block.

I felt like I was doing all the giving, and basically not receiving much in return other than a couple of ironed uniforms and kiddie breakfasts (see previous posts). I didn't mind to begin with. Everyone around me was quite obviously overjoyed at my new found patience, love and serenity, so that was kinda nice in it's own right.

But even this flower needs a bit of watering - not just sunshine.

This was a very busy week work wise for R.

Nonetheless, over at my end I was propping up a load of pretty significant proportions myself. I was busy, tired, doing the sleep deprivation gig, carrying other freelance work and course responsibilities and channeling a homely version of Mother Theresa in the middle of it all.

It was starting to feel like a one way street despite the good feelings everyone was radiating as a result of my new found warmth. And I started to feel like someone, who shall remain nameless but whose name starts with R, was starting to settle in a little too nicely into the being stroked and supported business - and taking it all a bit too much for granted.

Last night when, after 2 nights of no kiddie responsibility he blurted out the "I'm too tired", "I need sleep" blah blah blah words, that should never be spoken to a woman who is both tired and needs sleep (and on top of, it has to be said, by someone who has contributed minimal 'value add' during the week) I started to feel that old 'oh yeah right' start to creep in. Similar calls last night and this morning and I knew by the time the sun had started to rise that Mother Theresa would be turning in her grave at my inability to squish up the temper just a little bit longer. I wanted to. I really really wanted to. But managing a relationship really does take it out of you. How on earth do the abused do it?

Lesson number 2.

This love and light thing has to very very much be a two way thing. It may start with you but it can't end with you. However, not saying/screaming anything (coz I'm not complaining remember) delivered a result.

If I had written this post at 9am, it may have been sprinked with a few profanities.

At 9.01 he called me from work.

"Am I still in the doghouse?"
"Why would you be in the doghouse?" (*definate point for picking up on the simmering overnight mood and acting on it quick)
"Because I didn't help last night"
"Should you have?"
"Are you sorry"
"Yes, very"

And that's where a few minutes made all the difference. He saw he was being a twat, has no idea why I'm being so nice but realises there is something he needs to do to keep it up.

I'm not completely won over yet but he still has time tonight.

We're on a date (which I organised as part of this self regulated challenge - babysitters and all and a rare occurrence).

I will come in tonight with the day 4 post but with one line only. And it will be

  • Bingo, or
  • Work in progress, or
  • Someone please put a pillow over my head
Hopefully no swearing will be needed. I'm back to smiles so rekon it'll be a goodie :)

Dovic xx

PS I know plenty of you are doing the same this week and that at least a couple of you had meltdown moment last night. We may all be different but we're all same same really :). Thanks for checking in on how it's going over this end xx
PSS I got a cleaner in today too. I think that should be included in 101 Of Saving Relationships and I give her 10/10 for 'value add' today
****FOOTNOTE ONLY 5 min later - heading towards the "someone please put a pillow over my head. Need cheering on to survive this!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Show the Love Challenge Day 2 - Sleep is my new friend

Ohhhh....so today had a shaky start.

(Once again, if you need a heads up on the challenge you'll find it here)

I forgot to go to bed last night. Not til late - so late that I'm not even going to offer up what time it was. I am a nightowl. This works fine when you are young, hip and happening, but not when you have a household that echoes and roars like a Tsunami from the moment the first person in the house wakes up. It's LOUD.

I am going to put that down as lesson one.

Sleep needs to be my new best friend.

I was sleep deprived. R had already been up for an hour or so, and like yesterday, had ironed another school uniform and got the first two fed before having to leave for work himself. I feel bad for the second day in a row saying that - it's sweet and up until 2 days ago I never would have even thought much of it. It works for him I know. He does mornings like I do nights. Whilst I'm cooking at 11pm he's snoozing away. When he's up in the morn I have the pillow(s) over my head whilst I try and drown out all the sounds and get another hours sleep in. But he does other sweet things like close all the doors and shove the kids up the other end of the house, so far up the other end they almost have to sit on the neighbours back porch. To be honest, it's the ironing of the school uniform that's doing it for me at the mo especially. I think because I know he's doing it as a 'dad' as much as as a hubby and that is a blow your heart up with love and stuff kind of thing to do/acknowledge.

Anyways. All was going well while the pillows were planted on my head but as he was leaving for work and popping his head in the room to say bye, I could feel that old crankiness start to rise. So what did I do? I composed my insides, smiled at him and said thanks. Then I smiled a happy smile to myself and curled up in a ball to enjoy about another 2 min peace before the rest of the household realised my body was awake and ready for jumping on. And when, precisely 2 min later, all 3 of my little people came screaming in with 'mummy! mummy!' and summersaulting on my head, I didn't mind.

Being nice to R is extending BEYOND being nice to him. I have not had one negative thought in 48 hrs. I do need to get more sleep because a lack of it may be a stronger beast than all the positivity I can muster and it may be the time in my life to stop fighting it. But it's nice that I am being cranky at absolutely no-one at the moment. You want to somersault on my head? Knock yourself out. You want me to come and play ANOTHER game with you for about the 50th time today? Ofcourse. I'd actually really love to.

R would LOVE if I shifted my sleeping pattern. My head I think would love it too. So I'm gonna give it a go.

Finally, apart from all the love love joy joy happening around here at the moment, I've noticed another significant change. We are talking sooooo much. Not just chit chat but nice talking, you know the sort you normally reserve for friends and not for partners? I was on my way home last night from a dinner and he called me on the way to ask to get milk. I was precisely 7 min from home. Normally the conversation consists of

"can you get milk"
"yeah sure"
"ok bye"

Last night is went like this

"can you get milk"
"yeah sure, how were the kids tonight, did you enjoy yourself"
"yeah it was nice being home. How was dinner"
"yeah cool. The food was yuuuummmy"....and on and on for another 7 min exactly. I forgot to get the milk coz I was at the front door before I knew it.

My being nice resulted in us TALKING. Like banter talk. You know, I like you and you like me talk. This experiment has been worth it so far just to remind me I don't need to wait til I'm hanging out with friends to have a conversation. I can do it right at home.

I have had so many awesome comments, some on this blog, others elsewhere, cheering me on from the sidelines or saying 'yay, I did it too and it rocks' or 'I should really give this a go myself before I slit my/his/her wrists. If you see them on any of these posts, have a read. They are so heartwarming.

I'm going soft. And I like it :)

Dovic x
PSS Have to skip tomorrows post which I'll explain later. So see you all Thursday night!
PSSS Will be in better writing form with a bit more sleep - apologies to any protectors of grammar and spelling and sentence structure out there!
PSSSS Will try the visualisation thing I was planning for today, tomorrow -with a bit more sleep too :)

Show the Love Challenge Day 1 - No complaints

Ok, so if you're in for the first time, you may need to go here to work out what this post is about. Basically it's day 1 of knocking the sox of my hubby by being, ya know, nice. Not sickly sweet nice but "damn I think you're hot and appreciate all that you do and I have nothing to complain about and have I mentioned that I love you and that you rock my boat and hoping I can get you to mop the floor whilst getting all hot and bothered" kind off nice.


Day 1 worked a treat!

I'm really focused on the not complaining for a start and I have fullfilled my day one obligation. Funny thing is I don't actually feel like complaining now that I'm not complaining. Wierd.

I woke this morning and B (5) and C (3) had been fed and daddio had even ironed B's school uniform. I managed to slink out of bed just as he was leaving for work and gave him a a quick kiss and "have a gorgeous" day before he left. And it felt really nice to be nice. Normally I may think things like 'you coulda ironed tomorrows uniform whilst you were at it'...you know, that sort of crap. And maybe he could have, but who gives a hoot. A chunk of the morning routine was done and I was appreciating it. I have to say he has really come in to his own in being helpful in the mornings in the last 6 months or so. See, I'm really liking him already :)

In the car for all the drop offs and I shot him a note to say thanks for all the above.

My happy happy joy joy mood was NO DOUBT helped along by the fact that I spent my day indoors with the Bizness Babes, and truth is any of those bizness babe days are some of my fave days. Often I'll slip in a whine or two about the home dynamics, but not today. Nup, today my lips were sealed in a cheesy grin and I might have even mentioned a few choice nice things about him. I think he gets scared whenever I'm about to be surrounded by a group of women (since he knows it's prob my time of letting loose on all his past sins) so I think he would be chuffed to the core to know that no such thing happened today.

I'll fast forward to late this afternoon. He was planning to go to Yoga in the afternoon (generally I would smirk here, but again, not today :)) and I called to check if that was still on the agenda. "I'd rather come home and see the kids to be honest". Aww sweet. Often I kinda resent the whole evening routine thing coz it's my least favourite time in the history of all my days (herding cats) but tonight I was on a mission. If he was going to choose to come home especially to see the kids then I would make sure they were bathed and ready for him. In 90% humidy (which nearly killed me) I raced around and did all I could to make sure there was all peace and no war between him and the kiddies when he walked in (actually I was thinking about me but you get the picture). In any case, he could just scoop em up and enjoy them.

The really really wierd thing? I really really liked doing that for 'him'. Lets get one thing straight, the whole surrendered wife thing is not my thing. I may be a martyr but I'm not going to do it without a few complaints. That's more my thing. But not tonight. Tonight I really enjoyed being focused on what he would enjoy when he walked in. And it was lovely to greet him. And it was lovely for him to give me a big squish and tell me to leave everything just as it was (I had failed in getting the kitchen sorted, including removing the pasta pieces from the walls and the milk splattered across the floor) and instead - I had a preorganised girls dinner - to 'go straight out and enjoy yourself, I'll take care of the rest".

Once again, aww nice.

And not one single whine from me today. Tomorrow I'm taking Allies advice and doing the whole visualise the positive relationship thing. Keep throwing those suggestions at me.

Day one now ticked off as a hot and happy success that was way easier than I expected. I feel like I'm cheating since I have bizness babes on tomorrow too but the feelings are real. I don't want to get all mush mush on you but, seriously, so far so good. Won't count any chickens yet (we're a moody lot us humans) but definately a top notch day 1.

How are you going with it???

Til tomorrow,

Dovic xx

PS If I have fella subscribers/followers that check in to this post, can you tell me, is he gonna be really really mad that all this sneaky stuff is going on??

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sex is the new black and my 7 day challenge

Well, I don't know if that's really true but it looks like everywhere I look the really happy couples, I mean the really happy giddy eyed can't keep their hands off each other type, are getting quite a bit of it.

That's not say that those that aren't getting it aren't happy. There is a lot to be said for gazing at each other with bloodshot eyes, skipping the views of vomit stains on hunched shoulders, not noticing the showerless state of each other and gently reaching out before falling in a premature slump from sheer exhaustion, and finally snoring away the litre of red wine you drank together to get you through the night. Coz that's the other side of the coin.

And there are two distinct sides. I've been pondering side A for a couple of a few weeks now. Ever since I read this post over at Sunny Mummy.

Sunny Mummy does not preach what she is not actively practicing. And you don't need much time to work out what that little sentence means. Her sunny disposition stretches from from beyond the organised walls of her kitchen right through to the chandelier of her bedroom. I have been lucky enough to spend some time in her eternally sunny rays, and with so much energy and so much commitment to what she does I was wondering how she managed to, you know, fit that 'other' thing in. And ofcourse her energy and commitment extended right up to that Chandelier too.

It's not just the rolling around in the haystack stuff though. She is really big on being lovely to each other. WHEN? I ask her. Pointless question because I know for her it's everyday. Love notes, warm words, support, kindness. Now, I can't say I agree with all Sunny M's feelings, especially that around if they (the hubby/partner) aren't getting all these niceties and bit of rompy tompy too that this will necessarily lead to a roving eye (and I hope not! There is mutual obligation to get things working right on your home turf. Full stop.) but I could see that being nice could encourage some of that roving all over you, which can't be bad thing. And it's baby steps you're after really, that and a bit of washing up here, a mop of the floor there, a tidy up of the kids room sometime....oh yeah and the other stuff too.

So time for some fun I say.

When I read Sunny M's post, it was about 11.59pm and I had just finished up cleaning, mopping, lunch packing, box sorting, etc etc. And hubby had been snoozing away for about 3 hrs, having just finished his third book for the week that I 'juuuust have to read'. I coulda been cranky. For about the 7th night that week. But I chose not to be. Instead I wrote him a little love note with 3 things I loved about him. And UNBELIEVABLY I snuck in a 4th. I was starting to feel giddy lovey towards him, despite his distant snores, annoying habits and downright rudeness of going to sleep, like, when he wanted to.

What happened next I hear you ask?....well...I woke up in the morning and he was IN.THE.BEST mood. The kids were fed and dressed. The kitchen was clean. He was beaming warmth. And the cardboard pizza box I wrote my little love note on? It was cut down it's side and the side with the little love note on was tucked away peeping out of his draw. He'd kept it! Left over cheese and ham and all! He was happy and thrilled and feeling the love (for the first time in maybe years poor fella) and all it took was a little note.

Ofcourse everything went to crap about 2 hours later when I discovered my bag in the washing machine (don't ask) but I knew that I, via Sunny M, was on to something.

Sadly, it is only now, 2 weeks later that I have worked up the courage to commit to this sort of selfless behaviour (coz my preference would be to rant and rave every day with great joy and release) for a whole week. I am GOING TO BE NICE. If he survives the shock, and indeed if I can keep it up, I expect to be a little on the quiet side as I spend my time hanging from the chandelier post day 7 myself. But for now, the challenge is set.

And I know I don't post enough and that you've been complaining but truth be known I was planning my attack. I was working on developing a positive disposition. And now I'll be in here each day with a report. Yep, each day.

Let the 7 days begin!


No complaining (this is gonna be really hard coz there is lots to complain about on a daily basis - and I'm only sneaking in that comment now coz I can't for the next week)
Lots of smiling and head nodding and other verbal validations for all the good stuff he does.

Will make up the rest as I go.

Report on day one coming your way tomorrow and I would just luuuurve if any of you managed to join me or throw some helpful tips my way. I'm going to need all the tips I get. Some of you are really good at this stuff :).

Disclaimer: He does read this blog sometimes and I've got my fingers crossed that he won't for the week. If by any chance he does, and does not reward my efforts by being extra gorgeous back and folding the clothes on Wednesday night I will be going on strike.

Stay tuned...

Dovic xxx
PS For all the updates, take a look at the list of Feb posts - they're in there day by day. Or click at the home page and work your way up.


Related Posts with Thumbnails